A Letter to a Brother -- April 15, 2013

A Letter to her brother:

Hey Big Bro!

Thank you so much for your email and all of the other letters and emails you have sent me previously. I have been so bad at personally responding to them because of my lack of time but I hope that you will forgive me. As I am sure you can understand, time is a precious thing out here in the mission field. But an excuse is just that and so I apologize again, it's just that I want to send you something from my heart instead of just a quick response so that is why it has taken so long.

The culture here is very different, like you said, especially with the guys. Guys in America more or less have respect for women but it is not that way here. I can't even count the number of times that I have been cat-called, whistled at, spat upon, sweared at, and I even had a guy on a bike ride by and grab my bum...it has been hard for me to understand why there is such a lack of respect here but I have come to accept that is just the way that it is. Other than the young men and their probing eyes, I love the culture here. Everyone is so loving and charitable. Even if people are not Christian, since most people here are Muslim, they still take the time to stop and listen to what we have to say. Street contacting and table finding has become one of my favorite things to do. It has not been successful for finding many investigators or teaching any lessons, but it has been nice to hear others' opinion on religion and what they think about God.

Like you mentioned, I have come to know that it is so important to invite the Spirit into our lessons. When His presence is not there, it is impossible to teach- we may be able to try and speak their language but the Spirit is the only one who is able to speak to them spirit to spirit and witness of the truths that we are teaching. The investigators that we have now are few in numbers, but we are trying hard to find more, even one more would be wonderful! Everyday we set the goal to find one and for a while we have not had any success to find a new one in a couple of weeks.

In regards to my trainer, I am trying my hardest to learn as much as I can from her. As far as training goes, she hasn't actually focused on teaching me anything, she just reads the manual and then moves on. For me, I learn by example and application so it has been hard for me to work on the principles without actually being able to do that. That has been a bit of a struggle, but if nothing else I am learning a lot of patience. Pride is something that I have come to realize I may have a problem with. I never thought it was something I needed to worry about, but the more I have studied about it the more I feel I need to be cautious of it. I try to be a good example all the time and influence others for the better, but it is hard when the other missionaries criticize me for doing the right thing. In my opinion they are the older missionaries so they should be setting the example for me, but again thus is why I think I may have some problems with pride making so many assumptions and rationalizations. Thanks for the suggestion- I will have to give it a read!

Your little sis,

Motra Hawkins

Crazy Busy -- April 8, 2013 (Do we want to leave this on the blog?)

Hey Mom!

I don't have much time to write a long email this week for the family so I may just try and respond to the ones that people have written me. It is so hard to know who to write because it takes so long for each of them and I never have enough time. It makes me sad. I don't remember about the website- I have forgotten so many important things from before the MTC, that being one of them. Albania is very safe- I feel even more safe than walking around in Salt Lake. I asked the Mission President at our meeting about Dad coming and her said that would be fine. Just get me some more details on dates and such and I can get that to him. It sounds like the dog business is going well! I am always praying for your success. I am so excited for Oaklie!!

Maya- I miss you so much. Never forget that you are a princess and the daughter of King, your Heavenly Father.

Well, I am off to write some more emails now....

A big hello from a little town called Durres!-March 25, 2013

Hello Family!

How goes life over there? Probably just about the same as it usually is, eh? Life here in Durres is much different than America, much much different! The Albanian culture is basically nothing like I imagined it would be. Everyone loves to hug and kiss, I don't think I have ever been kissed so many times in my entire life. Everyone is so warm and loving it is wonderful!

 The weather here right now is pretty bipolar. The first day was perfect weather, yesterday it was raining cats and dogs, and today it is crazy windy! Who knows what it will be like tomorrow....hopefully sunny again. They say right now is the rainy season, but here in about a month it will get really hot...like hotter than Mexico hot. The humidity here is definitely a lot higher, my hair goes crazy curly and is always frizzy. It makes for a fun time trying to look nice.

 The people here dress a lot like the rest of the European world- lots of skinny jeans, puffy coats and basketball shoes. There are a lot of poor people here, okay so mostly everyone is, so they don't really have a lot of variety in what they wear but they dress nicely. Doing laundry is fun...they only have washers and no dryers so everything I own basically has to be ironed. Oh and the water here is very dirty (i.e. it has a lot of metal in it) so we have to use a water filter and it has turned all of my clothes funny colors. Oh the exciting adventures of foreign countries.

   We have taught quite a few investigators now and a couple other lessons to members and recent converts. The first lesson we went to was at the home of the Pjetris family consisting of the mother, father, and three children all of which are members excluding the father. Everyone her lives so humbly here- it really makes me grateful for the little things in life that I have never even thought of living without before. As far as language goes I am understanding about 1\5 of the time- they speak soooo fast and there are so many different dialects, it is hard to know what people are saying. But for the most part I am able to guess what they are saying and answer their questions. I am definitely far from comfortable with the language, but I am learning avash avash (slowly). We have one investigator named Valbona who I invited to be baptized and she excepted- we are hoping to help her prepare herself before the 6th of April. She is very excited, so I do not think there will be any problems. One of the biggest things that I have had to try and get used to is not speaking so much during the lessons. While at the MTC we spent most of the time teaching but it is far from the same here. Here, if you read a scripture with them and then ask them what they learned, they can literally talk about it ten minutes. Albanians always have a lot to say and they are never afraid to say it! So in the lessons we spend most of our time listening, which has been hard for me to get used to because I want to teach more. Oh well. We also have an investigator name Arnestes who I invited to be baptized last week and he said he feels he is not ready, but I think he is. Tonight we are going to invite him again. I'm really excited!

    What is the food like? This is a good question...I have not had that much Shqip food yet, but what I have had has been amazing! My favorite is by far Byrek, which is made of bread much like croissants, and is filled with meat or vegetables or sweets. It's kind of like a crepe but a lot better! I'll have to tell you more about the food once I have tried more of it. Though I did have some Nutella ice cream today that was sensational!! I don't think I've ever had any ice cream that I enjoyed as much as that ice cream.

    Church here in Durres is.....exciting. Like I mentioned before, everyone speaks as fast as a race horse runs! Sometimes I literally feel everyone is trying to speak faster than the person before them. Durres is one of the largest branches here in Albania consisting of about 100 members, but not all attend church. We are also very blessed to have a meeting house similar to the ones in the States- it is very beautiful. We always walk everywhere for our appointments and lessons but since the church is so far away we have to ride the bus. Yesterday we rode the bus to church and as soon as we arrived to the chapel, the branch president asked me if I would like to go up and bear my testimony after sacrament meeting. I agreed of course and was very excited! It wasn't very long because the moment I stood up there I forgot almost all of my Albanian, but it was adequate. :) The members are very kind...again I received a lot of hugs and kisses from the old and the young, once even on the lips....that was an interesting moment. The elderly here are wonderful.

  In my apartment, there is only my companion and me, Motra Gebhart. She is from Southern Colorado and this is her last transfer. I think that maybe she has gotten a lot trunky because she doesn't really seem that excited about the work, sadly. While at the MTC I was expecting to come out here and really start to work- work and teach so much that I came home exhausted every night, but that does not describe my experiences here. My companion is very laid back, and easy-going- again basically the opposite of me but in a different way than Motra Forte. It is hard for me to be motivated when she is not. I want to do more street contacting to try and get new investigators, I want to speak the language more, I want to work more with the members but it's hard to do all of this when it is just me with this opinion. I was hoping since this is her last transfer that I would be able to get a lot of help with the language and advice on how to be a better missionary but I don't know what to think right now. I am hoping that it will get better, but for now please pray that we may be able to work together better. I am also very disappointed with my district here in Durres. There are two other additional companionships here, so there are a total of six full time missionaries as well as two senior couples serving with us. To say this in the nicest way possible, my elders have a lot to learn about charity and compassion. I don't think that I even heard this much sarcasm, almost cussing, rude comments and other unmissionary-like conduct (wow that looks horrible but I hope you understand what I am trying to say) in the MTC. I thought that my Elders before pushed the line, but they were like angels when compared to what I have now. I really hope that I am just overreacting and that they are just being rude to try and scare me, but they have made it hard. When I am around them I literally have to put my mind somewhere else because they make me so uncomfortable...but it can only get better right? :) I am hoping that once I get to know them better and have more courage, I can tell them what I really think. One of them made the comment, "Don't worry, after a transfer you'll sound like us too." in a joking manner, but I decided I will never sound like that, ever. I am here to be a representative of Jesus Christ and spread the gospel, not take a tour of Albania. I am here to serve the people of Albania, not the other way around. I'm hoping that I can help the others catch that vision.

Well, I need to go soon so I will talk to you next week. I love you family! Thank you for your emails, and I hope that I answered all of your questions. 

Me dashuri,

Motra Hawkins

And then there was one... March 13, 2013

Well family this is the end....of the MTC! 

I have just a matter of days and then I am on the plane to the Shqiperia!! We got our travel plans this week! We leave next Tuesdaymorning at 7:48 in the morning (we have to be at the travel office at 4:00!! to make sure we get there in time), have a layover in DC for four hours. fly to Vienna, Austria and have another long layover, and then if all goes as planned we shall arrive at 2:15 in the afternoon the 20th of March. Expect a call around 6:30 am to Mom's phone if I have time or at about 2:00 pm after I land in DC. I don't leave until 8:45 pm so I will have plenty of time to talk...thus why I will not have a huge letter this week again (Sorry!!!) 

I can't believe this day is here already! I am so excited!! As far as the language goes I know that no matter how much I have learned here it is going to be so much different once we get to the country (especially if I end up going to Kosovo). This past week has been Consecration week for our district which basically means that we spent the entire week only speaking Albanian, with the exception of meetings. We could translate for each other, but not directly speak English. At first it was a little difficult but I have learned and grown so much!! I love speaking Albanian, learning about the culture from my teachers and teaching our investigators. We had a baptism last Saturday and we have two other investigators who are working toward baptism. Even though they are just actors, I am so excited to start teaching real people with real problems!  

So other cool news...my Branch President announced in church that he and his wife have been called to serve as Mission President for the Nairobi Africa mission! I am so excited for them. Marcos Aidukaitis, a member of the 70 came and spake at a Tuesday night Devotional and he had a really interesting message about the Plan of Salvation that I want to share. Isn't it wonderful to consider that the Lord has prepared the Terrestial and Telestial kingdoms for those of His children that will reject His Plan and the message of the Gospel. He loves us all so much that He has created kingdoms that are beyond even our slightest comprehension even for those who do not love Him. It's humbling to think how much our Father in Heaven loves and cares for all of His children. Oh and he totally sounded like Juanitio Bandito!! It was fantastic!  

Well family, I hope you know I love you so so much and am grateful for your prayers. I know this is where I am supposed to be and I love it. I love the hard work, I love the language, and I love the gospel. God be with you til we meet again. Talk to you on Tuesday!

Spring...it's the most wonderful time of the year!! February 27, 2013

Hello again my Wonderful family!!

It's hard for me to believe that it has already been a week! The time flies by so fast here! This past week was definitely full of a lot of testimony building and learning experiences! I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am now Senior companion. It was hard for me at first to let my companion take the lead one because I naturally do that a lot of the time, and two because she does not have a very dominant personality, but we have both learned a lot about how to share the responsibility. We both have learned to love each other and we are starting to teach together very well. It makes me sad to think that here in a couple of very short weeks that I will have to say good-bye to her, though I am excited for the change. To tell you more about the Albanian culture, I'll start by telling you about my two native Albanian teachers. Vellai Hoxha is tall for an Albanian (about 5' 8'), has a crazy sense of humor, and is very straight-forward. In general, Albanians will say exactly what they are thinking without a filter- if you are overweight (which in their culture they consider "Healthy") they will tell you, "Hey, you are fat" or if you are having a bad day apparel-wise, they aren't afraid to tell you so. I think that is going to be hard for me to get used to, but I am excited for the new culture differences. My teachers also tell me that there are a lot of different personality styles in Albanian that don't exist here in the US...that should be exciting to begin to understand. Our other teacher (also please excuse my extreme usage of plural references...being with my companion all day has forced me to speak that way) is also from Albania and her name is Motra Iftiu. She has an awesome sense of style, and I am so excited to get to Albanian and get some new clothes. It's bad enough that I have limited choice on my clothes, but lately I have been working really hard to be able to get up to 10 pull-ups. This is a good goal, but unfortunately my arms have grown so much that I no longer fit in about 4 of my shirts, so that makes life exciting. :) I'm hoping to set the record this next week...if I have any clothes left that will still fit me. =}

In regards to the language, I feel it is going very well. My companion and I are able to communicate very well with each other in Shqip and this week we had interviews with both of the Albanian teachers. Vellai Hoxha (pronounced like hoe-jah) told Motra Forte and I that as long as they had been teaching that they had never taught a pair of Sister Missionaries that work and teach together as well as we do. They both also mentioned that they have never had a set of sister missionaries that have progressed faster than the Elders, ours is the first. That doesn't mean the language is easy (for instance there are 10 different tenses, and 5 different cases as well as noun declentions which means there are literally 50+ ways to say a word and depending on what way you are using it, there is only one correct way to say it...and if you say it the wrong way, Albanians have no idea what you are saying...fun huh?) I am falling in love with speaking the language, it sounds so beautiful and I can't wait until I am fluent, but I know that will only come after a lot of hard work.

Some other good news: last night I had the blessed opportunity to sing in MTC choir again for the Tuesday night devotional and Elder M. Russell Ballard came to speak to all of the missionaries. It was such an amazing experience, and it made me that much more excited to go and preach the gospel. And just before the devotional, we had the opportunity to teach a lesson in English for the first time. It was very different to say the least and I almost started speaking Albanian a lot of the time, but it was a wonderful experience. As of right now we are teaching 7 different investigators as well as acting as an investigator, and being taught by the other companionship in our district. There has been a lot of frustrating things that have happened, but luckily I have been able to ask myself, "What can I learn?" instead of, "Why me?". It's amazing to me how the Lord is able to teach all of His children in different ways, exactly the way they need to hear and learn the message. Oh the tender mercies of the Lord.

As for your homework this week, go onto lds.org and watch the Mormon Messages, "Mountains to Climb" and "Moments that Matter Most" if you have not already watched them. I am still waiting to here about how your experiment of faith went and what scriptures you found. Make sure you have some tissues close by when watching the first one, and feel free to watch it a couple of times, I know I really wanted to because it was that good! 

Well, I love you all family and I hope to hear from you soon! Good luck with life!

Motra Hawkins

Pershegjetje! Ose Hello ne language yne!! February 13, 2013

Hello My Family!

Now it is time for me to tell you more about what it is like here at the MTC. Its so strange for me to think that I really have been here at the MTC for exactly a month, here in a couple of hours and that my halfway point is Friday. I can't believe how time has flown by- the days are long but the weeks are short. I love feeling the Spirit all of the time, I love learning about the gospel, and I love teaching. I think that is one of the biggest things that I have learned about myself while here at the MTC...I love teaching! Although I struggle to adequately express myself in Shqip (Albanian in Albanian) I am getting to the point where it is easier to express myself in their language. It is a beautiful language, more opened minded in the way you can speak the thoughts and feelings of your heart- it's almost like poetry. For example, to say the word smile it is buzeqesh which translates into "laughter of the lips" and another interesting thing...the phrase endure to the end is translated as durimit deri ne fund where deri means through, so it is saying endure through the end instead of just to the end. I think that is so much better- you need to endure through the end, not just to it. The language has been a bit of a struggle, just because it is so different but my biggest trial right now is my companion. I don't want to complain too much but I just want to let you know that it has been hard for me. She came from a very rich family, has the type of personality that is extremely annoying to me (just think Brittany Christensen with a lot of money...and yes crazy makeup and all but minus the immodest clothing). She is very nice, no complaints there, it has just been hard for me to teach myself not to judge others by how they look- and more importantly see others not as they are but as they can become. 

Everyday, we teach one of our investigators in Shqip (we have three now- Aldo, Mihal and Linda) as well as we get to be investigators and act like them. That has been a huge learning experience for me to try and image how it feels to be an investigator and feel what it is like to learn from the missionaries. (We also get to pick everything about what kind of investigator we are) My name is Sarah and I am 25- I grew up in a very active family, but after moving away from home I lost my testimony and have been drifting for a while. I know that something is missing in my life but I feel that the answer is definitely not the LDS church. I was a referred to the missionaries by my older brother who was concerned about me. Now I feel I am bitter toward the church and don't really want to hear their message. It's been hard for me to try and think that way but it has made me think a lot about what I truly know and what my testimony is right now. 

Another great opportunity I had this last week was to stay with my other companion Sisar Clifford (a sister going to Finland) while she was sick. As hard as it was missing class, being able to talk with her and comfort me taught me a lot about charity and the love and concern our Father in Heaven feels for us. I almost can't believe how much more compassion and love I have for others now that I have become a missionary. Just this morning we said good bye to her, because now she is healthy enough to go and be a missionary. It was sad, but it was good! She taught me a lot about enduring to the end and having faith that everything will work out in the end. She was sick, literally the entire time she has been here at the MTC. She even had to go home for a week and half to have surgery and get her tonsils out. She hated it, but she was able to help a lot of people and if nothing else I learned a lot from her.

Now I want to share some really random but cool things that have happened here: I have fallen in love with running and during gym I can go for miles ( I also use that time to learn new vocab while speaking to my companion in Shqip- so it's a win-win situation), I have been working hard and can now do 8 pull-ups (pretty sure I want to set the record for the Sister with the most pull-ups in the gym since there is no record for the Sisters), I have fallen in love with eating Cream O' Wheat with chocolate chips- its is basically the best thing I have ever eaten, there are more Sisters than Elders in my Branch (which is crazy considering at one point my old comp Sisar Cliffor was the only Sister in the branch), I love speaking Albanian, everyone thinks I am 21 because I act so mature (and they all are very aware that my companion is only 19...it's makes me feel good that I am not acting as immature at the rest of the 19 year old missionaries), I never have enough time to do what I want but it all works out in the end. 
Well, that's about all I can think of right now. It's great hearing from all of you. I still haven't heard from the little boys, Danielle or Aaron yet so some word from them would be nice. Again, I love you all and can't wait to hear from you again. If I didn't answer some of your questions I apologize, I will try next week. Feel free to ask again.
With Love,
Motra Hawkins

P.S. Pictures are near impossible to send from here so you might have to wait until I get out to receive any. Me vijn keq shume. I am so sorry!

Week 3 -- February 6, 2013

Hey Everyone! 

I finally have time to write a decent letter about how life is here at the MTC! We are no longer teaching the "investigator" Albana, she actually surprised us by telling us she is our teacher! This week we had a really special chance to teach our new investigator Linda. She is a mother that just lost her husband three months ago and is having a really hard time trying to understand why God allows bad things to happen to good people. While in our first lesson we were so upset with her that we didn't know what to say to her (in Albanian of course) to try and comfort her broken heart. Yesterday we had the opportunity to meet with her again and share a message about the Plan of Salvation and God's love for all of his children. We shared with her the scripture in 2 Nephi 2 about the need for an opposition in all things. We taught her that we can't know the light without the dark, we can't feel joy without first feeling sorrow, we can't be grateful for the good days unless we have some bad days. As I was bearing my testimony to her about this principle, the Spirit was so strong (yes I know that sounds so cliche but it is so true). The woman I was talking to was no longer a native Albanian acting for our sake, I truly saw her as one of God's children struggling to understand and looking for answers to her questions. It is so amazing to me how the Spirit is able to speak hear to heart, soul to soul, and express thoughts and feelings cannot express especially when it is from someone who can't really speak the language. This has been a great blessing in my life to come to understand. 

Another great opportunity I had this week was to stay with my other companion Sisar Clifford (a sister going to Finland) while she was sick. As hard as it was missing class, being able to talk with her and comfort me taught me a lot about charity and the love and concern our Father in Heaven feels for us. I almost can't believe how much more compassion and love I have for others now that I have become a missionary. It is fantastic! 

Okay, I used all my time chatting with Mom and Dad, so if you have any questions, they might be able to answer them. Sorry I wasn't able to say more. If you have any other specific questions- shoot me a DearElder and I'll include it in my next email. 

But, before I finish I want to extend an invitation for an experiment of your faith. I would like everyone to try this next week to instead of watching TV at night, to instead take the time to search the scriptures either personally or as a family. Specifically spend that time looking for the blessings that the Lord promises when we keep His commandments. Good luck and let me know (with references) what you find. I love you all and hope to be able to say more next week! 

Love, 

Motra Hawkins